Day 26 - The big life plan decided!

Today I decided mostly to laze about in the sun, especially given I am going home in a few days and still have lilly white legs, well that's not quite true, I have lilly white legs with gigantic swollen mozzie bites. Hmm pretty!

My mind is definitely in going home soon mode, and I've folded my clothes, done a deep clean of the studio, tidied the garden,  limited my food buying and so it all looks spic and span and ready for me to mess it up, re tidy it and leave.

And so what am I going to do when I get back? I hopefully have a little work with elements of health but not enough to live on, and of course my stall to organise and prepare for, but can I really expect bumper sales from my first ever stall? I will certainly be trying to sell all I can, but again its not going to be enough to live off.

Actually a more important question, with what purpose am I going to live my life? After all this thinking and time away have I actually thought of what it is I should do with my life? Well oddly, or not for those that know me, some of the top things that came up in my 108 things include

• Own a Cow
• Run a dog rescue centre (wrote it twice)
• Own land
• Have a little shack
• Be self sufficient

These are all on my page of require a lot of time and effort, and so it got me thinking. If this is what I want, how can I go about getting it and to what purpose?

I have always wanted to be my own person and so it is no surprise to me, that I want to run my own business and own land. In the case of land there is just something wonderful about the thought of walking across your own land, owning the soil beneath your feet, or just sitting in the middle of a field and knowing that every blade of grass you can see is yours, and yours to protect. When I was young I used to dream about running through meadows, long grass, in MY Field, no one else there.

I met an uncle once, a distant one on my dads side of the family. He had a small farm, my aunt had homemade fruit cake in a tin, and they had a small veggie patch with rows of strawberry plants and a pen for the geese, and these fields. Rolling land, really steep, not overly practical but there's. I only met them once, but that memory is so vivid, even with my sieve like brain. When I heard they had sold it I was sad, they seemed to have everything. It was small but perfectly formed. My greatest aspiration.

But its not enough to just buy a square of land and plonk a cow on it, it wouldn't work. The cow would get lonely (despite my constant wittering) and how would I cover her food and shelter in winter - build a shack and let her live inside with me? Can't imagine Mark is going to say yes to that, although they did it in the middle ages and still do in Bangladesh and other places. But that's not really the point. I can't just have land, a shack and a cow. There has to be a purpose, otherwise it's just consumption. Having things foe the sake of having them.

So what if it's a rare breed cow, and she has a few rare breed friends? And the shack is used for educating people on sustainable living and saving rare breeds? And it's as self sufficient as it can be.. what then? Does that make it any less a daft idea?  Is this what I should do with my life? It ticks a lot of my boxes, and it really doesn't seem as daft as it should. Now I know Mark is going to be screaming Nooo! And praying no one gives me encouragement,  but its a thought and its nested, and my posters tell me that everything is possible given enough time and enough effort.

So, cows...rare breeds, fields, growing stuff, running a small holding?  I know nothing about any of this, up till now it's always been a dream, I've only ever patted a cow, and received the occasional kiss. Still I have wellies, some local cows, the farmers number, and numerous others I could approach if the first says no. Markles, I'd like to find out if I really could be a farmer. Expect mud, cow tales, early rising, lots of frustration, and a slow grind towards a realisation,  one way or another as to whether this is madness or a creeping sanity finally awoken.

You are no doubt hoping this is just another daft Maria idea, a fly by night. Perhaps it will be, but who know the gestation period of an idea?

I will of course continue my writing as this could equally be a valid purpose, and it too makes me very happy. Just expect a slightly bigger cow focus along with the Erna and Snail stories. Ha, I've got myself a farm right there.

Right onwards with reading...any books you can recommend?  Cow weekly perhaps? 

Oh wait, I still don't know how I'm going to fund all this...erm Sainsburys do you need a shelf stacker?