Our Weekly meeting - thats more of a quartely thing...dogs, cows and cob bread

So its 6am and with my boys snuggled up in bed upstairs, I've squeezed out of my slither to come and give you an update on our very successful 'weekly' meeting that actually is more of a quarterly thing (given it took place in July!) that we still haven't got round to repeating, as we can still presume Markles is at home with Jasper and I'm at the gallery sneaking cake. Actually on closer inspections both are realities not presumptions (note permanent mud stains and Jasper fur on Markles as proof of bonding time; and crumbs, muffin tops and sugar induced bounciness from Maria in the gallery).

To save you having to flick between the two blog entries to have some idea of what I'm going on about, I've just added a reality check to the bottom of each agenda point.

Our Agenda:

1. Jasper
2. Holiday
3. Money
4. Moose
5. AOB

Already we are stumbling as other couples discuss weekly evening plans, fun times, relationship things etc. We struggled to come up with 5 things and added Moose to the agenda.

So issue 1. Jasper

After a very brief nod that Jasper who had just accidentally spunked on our bed while chewing on my tights was obviously well and happy. The discussion progressed onto the getting Jasper a friend. I have long been pro another dog, and Mark is in the opposite camp. We thus handled the argument like grown ups and drew up a table:

Pros	Cons
Jasper friend	More work for Markles (he is semi retired anyway)
Extra Love	More hassle for Markles (though less than a standard job)
Marginal extra destruction	Possible dog conflicts
Marginal extra maintenance	Marginal extra destruction
Marginal extra cost	Marginal extra maintenance
Possible breeding program	Marginal extra cost
Humpy friend for Jasper	Nothing stops Maria nagging for long
Will teach him to share
Sufficient supply of sticks in the garden
Will make Maria happy
Will stop Maria nagging for another dog
Goes part way towards Maria’s plan of being a mad old dog lady
It’s not a cow
It’s not a baby
Jasper is the right age (the breeders told me)

As you can see it was a sure victory for Maria and we will soon be procuring another dog. Markles is not happy with this but the table speaks no lies (despite what Markles may say).



Action - Buy 2nd dog

Reality - I am still nagging for another dog and have escalated my barmyness by trying to persuade Markles that it would be a good idea for us to have a small holding, despite our inability to grow stuff, and my sadness at the thought of having to eat Dexter our cow, Mavis and Morris our pet pigs, Cluck McDuck, Waddle and Wherry our pet ducks.

Sanity speaking to Markles (say in loud, measured and authoritative voice of reason) - the smallholding is a bad idea, just let her have another dog, and you can string out cow buying for another couple of years...she may grow tired...but not likely

Issue 2 - Holidays


Ok so despite both loving travelling and wanting to visit every continent there are a few undeniable problems with Crutchley holidays:

• Maria always gets ill
• Maria never takes time off
• Maria can’t take time off
• Holidays are expensive

Thus to tackle this we came up with the following solutions:

• Take short breaks when Maria has 2 days off in a row
• Maria has emailed over the Rota for Markles information
• Take 2 weeks off in November ( 1 week in Norwich - which will be cheaper and where illness will hopefully come out before main holiday - 1 week in Marrakesh)
• Possible holiday in August if new recruit found

Action - eat vitamins, stay aways from lurgies, book something and make the most of it regardless


Reality  - Maria has just handed in her notice, so until I've set up my own business (which will result in never having a holiday again) or found a new job, I will have holiday abundance! 

So yay I did extremely well on this one. I've been taking two day stints, sleeping at Horsey beach, sleeping in the car at Yarmouth (supposedly a bad idea but I was OK) and having fun pottering about. Markles has a better idea than I do of when I'm off work. I managed to book a 10 day holiday in November ( to stay near Plymouth - so not quite Marrakesh - but still it's a holiday!) before deciding to leave/ The August holiday was a pipe dream, but I do now have a lovely new team :)

Issue 3 - Money

3.1 Maria has no clue about how money comes in or out of the house, it must be magic!

3.2 Pension man wants to talk to Maria, Maria only knows she wants to be a mad old dog lady with sufficient funds for this aim.

3.3 How to spend Marias incremental earnings (Markles birthday present took the majority. Correction all of it, Markles has just explained evil tax system!)

Action:

• Markles to educate Maria on monetary flows of household
• Maria to schedule meeting (ermm next year? – boring meeting – thus highlighting why Maria has no idea)
• Markles to provide pension wisdom and attempt to realign Maria’s old age life plan to something more sane. (Markles has suggested I become a mad old bag lady – thus I replied for practise I need a new mulberry. Markle’s shakes head and draws my attention to point 3.1 – Maria’s lack of household money knowledge.

Side note – Maria is having fun and exclaims, “this is fun we should have a weekly meeting more often”.

Mark replies “what like every week you mean”

Reality - 

3.1 Markles made a little spreadsheet to illustrate money flows that even Maria could understand. Maria has just buggered up money flow by resigning. Maria is getting baked beans and bread for xmas (hope its one of those posh cob loaves from M&S!)

3.2 Maria visited Pension man, exclaimed she wanted to be a mad old dog lady asap - he said what 52? Maria said nah how about 30? Pension man thought Maria was joking - silly  pension man. Maria has now lost pension so will have to wander streets for homeless dogs and find food in bins. Unless business takes off, in which case, I will probably still wander streets looking for homeless dogs, and then give them a life of luxury - doggy cuddles, homemade biscuits, their own sofa...Jasper will illustrate how to lead luxury life.

3.3. Just left job - no incremental earnings, in fact no earnings at all! Need to learn to be self sufficient on minimal money - great I love a challenge :) I will make homemade pizza and cake for anyone who can teach me how to:

• grow veggies
• make my own clothes
• fix things
• make a little cob den for the garden with a wood burner so I don't freeze in Markles house/freezer

Issue 4 - Moose

Found on pants; and undies. Maria needs to go on holiday to (cold) location in order to see moose in the wild. Maria wishes they lived in hot places. To see baby moose and mummy moose in wild would be amazing!!! Markles is bragging cause he has seen it. Stupid Markles.

Action - Buy 2 teddy moose and use icing sugar to create 'cold' habitat. Maria to observe through kitchen window

Reality - OMG how could I have forgotten to do this! Next day off this is being done!!!!

Issue 5 - AOB

Meeting suspended while Markles watches the Tour de France. Stupid Markles.

Markles comes back and suggests we have covered a lot of stuff and we dont want to burn ourselves out.

Action - next meeting scheduled for next very bored evening (sometime next week preferably)

Meeting adjourned.

 Maria and Markles


Hmmm I am wondering if Markles will want another meeting, after reading this blog. If yes I will have to check my diary as I appear to have a lot of cake sneaking in the gallery planned...

All encouragement for barmy plans is welcome :)

Have a great day, Maria xxx